“Lisa, could your team . . .”

And you think, “We could, but it doesn’t align with what is important to the organization right now or my team’s critical path.”  Don’t say that, not unless you think you can get results without relationships (you can’t, not long-term anyway) OR as a last result.

At home, it is a phone call at 7:00 p.m.:  “Hi Teresa, the Girl Scout cookie mom can’t do it again this year.  Can I put you down for it?”

And your mind races:  “But I already volunteered to chaperone the camping trip, and help with the school carnival, not to mention my work on the Food Bank fundraiser . . .but wouldn’t a good mother, a mother who didn’t work, wouldn’t she say yes?” 

Let me be clear, Executive Mamas don’t say “yes” to everything.  They sometimes say “no”—EFFECTIVELY, in a way that builds relationships and reputation, not in a way that destroys them.

Here’s some suggestions:

To a boss: 

“I’d be happy to.  I am currently working on x, y, and z.  Could we re-visit the timing on those so I could complete this project?” 

“Of course.  This looks like about 3 days worth of work.  Should I table x, y, and z and work on this for the next three days?  Or is b an acceptable completion date?”

“Could you tell me a little bit more so I could see how this fits in with my other commitments?”

To a colleague:

                “I’m not sure.  Let’s talk about deadlines, scope, final product so I can tell you if I could help.”

                “I can’t do it by x.  Is y soon enough?”

                “I have to tell you—I don’t know that I can.  Maybe I can offer up some thoughts as to how you might accomplish that without me?”

 To a child who wants to add another after school activity to their already packed schedule:

                “No, no, a thousand times no!  Don’t you see that this overlaps with basketball practice?  How can you expect to add another drop off/pick up to your already Presidential schedule?”  (OK, that one was a bit autobiographical and not very effective.  But I strongly believe you should tell them the truth.  I know a woman who refuses to accept that little Sally might miss one activity, one party, one experience.  Sally is a horrible child because she believes the entire world revolves around her desires. )

 Executive Mamas say no.  With grace.

Author: Jennifer Colosimo, Chief Learning Officer at FranklinCovey

Follow Jennifer on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/jencolosimo

The women in the offices of EMF [Kate's firm] don’t tend to display pictures of their kids. The higher they go up the ladder, the fewer the photographs. If a man has pictures of kids on his desk, it enhances his humanity; if a woman has them it decreases hers. Why? Because he’s not supposed to be home with the children; she is.

I find that when people ask me, “How do you do it?” some are registering their disapproval, per the quote above.  Most—80%– are women who are truly looking for hints, tricks, anything to help them with their busy livesSo here is my best hint: Plan. And develop the art of both sticking to plan and being flexible, never too stuck or too flexible.  As soon as I get the school calendar, even if it is nine months in advance, I enter it into my Outlook calendar. I even guess when events might take place based on previous years and enter them tentatively. Then plan monthly—travel, things that must be accomplished. Finally, when it gets to the week, I follow the weekly planning process we teach in Focus:  Achieving Your Highest Priorities. I think about my most important roles:  wife, mother, my own health, executive, facilitator, friend. Then I think about the most important thing I could do in that role for the relationship and/or to honor commitments and obtain results.  And I block out time for that to happen. 

Some of the other skills—for future posts—include saying “no” effectively, having a vision, and the all important: sleeping.

Author: Jennifer Colosimo, Chief Learning Officer at FranklinCovey

Follow Jennifer on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/jencolosimo

This week I have a book coming out called Great Work, Great Career about finding and great work building, over time, a great career.  It focuses on how you contribute, what you contribute, and tactical elements like interviewing, writing resumes, and focusing on what you can influence, not on what you can’t.  You can see some blog posts regarding the book (some of them mine) in the Great Work, Great Career blog page.  You can also follow me on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/jencolosimo.

Of course, Executive Mamas build Great Careers.  How is yours going? 

Author: Jennifer Colosimo, Chief Learning Officer at FranklinCovey

Maybe this happens to you all the time.  Maybe if I were quicker to extend trust it would happen more often to me.  But as it currently stands, sometimes I feel like I don’t know enough about a person—their character and competence—to trust.  Sometimes a person has behaved in ways that have broken trust.  Regardless, it is rare for me to trust an entire room full of people.  And it felt great!  You’ll laugh, but I felt tears spring to my eyes when I thought about it.  It didn’t mean I agreed with them on everything or that the meeting was easy, but things were easier to achieve because I assumed good intent.

I had worked with everyone in that room for at least three years and with some for over a decade.  I trusted them because they had kept commitments, they had talked to me straight, and they all delivered results.  Does this happen to you often?  Or never?  What else builds trust for Executive Mamas? 

Author: Jennifer Colosimo, Chief Learning Officer at FranklinCovey

The only way to enjoy an experience is to actually be there for it, mentally as well as physically. I’ve been at high school football games where every parent in the stands is “there” physically, but thumbing away on their Blackberry. Guess what?  Everybody, including the kid you’re there to watch, knows you aren’t “there.” And how much fun are you having? You didn’t see the spectacular catch at the 10 yard line or the cheerleader stunts on the sidelines. You didn’t smell the hot dogs or feel the breeze.  You sat in the car taking a call during halftime and missed the high school band version of Led Zeppelin hits.  But hey, you were “there.”

I know, I know, you’re already trying to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep, all while leading in the workplace, your family, and the community, and now I’m telling you that you must actually be mentally present for all of that? Yes. What difference does it make what you’re physically doing if you’re not experiencing it? 

Unfortunately, being mentally present is no easier that staying physically fit.  It takes effort. In its natural state, your mind operates much like a car radio on “scan.” It plays a little bit of one station then goes to the next station, jumping about from one song to the other.  Another way to think about it is your mind is like a stream, always rolling along from one thing to another. If you stay on the surface of the water, when the winds pick up, you will be rocked about with the rapids. But if you have invested the time necessary to focus your mind, to remain present and focused, when the winds come you can dive to the deepest part of a pool, down deep where everything is still despite the rapids on the surface. And you’ll actually experience things!   

Executive Mamas recognize it requires tremendous discipline to maintain mental focus on the present moment and they work at it.  A couple of resources I’ve found particularly helpful (not endorsed by FranklinCovey Company, simply recommendations from Jennifer Colosimo among the many existing options) are books, audio, and practices taught by Eckhart Tolle and Eknath Easwaran.      

Author: Jennifer Colosimo, Vice President of Sales and Delivery Effectiveness at FranklinCovey

• 1. Do you know how EBITDA is measured? Or even what the acronym stand for?
• 2. What about return on invested capital or net profits?
• 3. How does your company currently stand in terms of cash flow, revenues, profits?
• 4. Any idea what Davos is?

 My point is this:  One of the main responsibilities of an executive is fiduciary responsibility.  And you aren’t even going to get a shot if you can’t answer the questions listed above.  (OK, you could probably get away with not knowing that Davos is where the World Economic Forum holds their annual meeting.) 

While exclusive networks and things like prejudice might be outside of your influence, building your business acumen is something you can do!  Right now!  Ram Charan wrote the book What the CEO Wants You To Know in order to simplify some of the complexity of how business works.  He asks every worker, from front-line to executive to examine how they impact their organization’s cash, margin, velocity, growth, and customers.  Good advice in tough economic times even if you don’t aspire to an executive role.  Another great book is by John A. Tracy and is called How to Read a Financial Report.  Executive Mamas can make good financial decisions for their organizations and read a financial report. 

Learn more about What the CEO wants you to know.

Author: Jennifer Colosimo, Vice President of Sales and Delivery Effectiveness at FranklinCovey

Maggie decided that her contribution to future women, her community, and to herself would be through the Girl Scout organization, the preeminent leadership development organization for girls with 3.6 million members worldwide.  According to www.girlscouts.org, Girl Scouts are the leading authority on girls’ healthy development, and builds girls of courage, confidence and character, who make the world a better place.  After two years as a troop leader for girls ages 13-15, they wrote her a thank you note that said, “Ms. Maggie, you have taught us to make good decisions and that we can make a difference.  We’re going to be healthy eaters who can manage conflict.  We promise to be great leaders that recognize the potential in others like you have in us.”

There is a lot to do to revive our communities.  Be informed, vote, choose your civic/global contribution, and do it.  Executive Mamas live by the Girl Scout Law! 

What will your contribution be? Check out video titled Contribution featured in FranklinCovey’s 7 Habits for Managers workshop.

Author: Jennifer Colosimo, Vice President of Sales and Delivery Effectiveness at FranklinCovey

In Korean, mama can mean ‘a concubine of an ancient high-ranking official’ or the goddess responsible for smallpox. All interesting roles. This blog focuses on one of them- what it means to you to be a great mama to children.  Everybody has an opinion of what defines a great mother. And not just an opinion, most are dang sure it is the RIGHT opinion. I find most books on working mothers downright depressing. According to these manifestos, either it is a moral imperative to work outside of the home(”you owe it to the women who came before you and created your right to options”) OR mothers who stay home with their children, either by choice or necessity, are morally elevated and celebrated and working mothers are denigrated but the book provides some hints to get by if the reader’s life circumstances are forcing them to work. I would suggest the following realistically optimistic guidelines as you define how you plan to embody great motherhood:

 1. If you have a child, whether via biological means or adoption, you are responsible for the physical, mental, and spiritual care-taking of that child until they are at least 18 years old. It would be great if you had help . . . a village even . . .but don’t count on it.

2. It is worth your time to define what you mean by “physical, mental, and spiritual care-taking.” There are baseline levels established by law and common sense, but other than that, people define them differently. “Physical” can range from well-balanced meals and a warm place to sleep to driving little Kyle thousands of miles a year as he plays competitive soccer around the country. “Mental” may mean a decent school and some discussions around the dinner table regarding how to resolve conflict with your siblings and the mean kids at school.To others it might means private schools, tutors, therapists, and personal meditation guidance.You get my point.You have to create your definition of greatness and stick to it.

3. What you decide to take on in the workplace and in your community should depend heavily on what your definitions are in question #2. What you will delegate? Who else will help? What are you willing to miss?

 Write down your definition of great motherhood.  What are you doing to align your actions today with your definition? Feel free to share, I would love to hear from you.

 Author: Jennifer Colosimo, Vice President of Sales and Delivery Effectiveness at FranklinCovey

I’ve been lucky in that I’ve had great female and male mentors and it seems my skill set and capabilities have been, to this point anyway, valued.  So I’ve got luck.  I also believe, “Luck favors the prepared.”  And the prepared don’t whine. Given the historical, societal, environmental challenge and opportunities you uniquely face, you have immense choice regarding what to say and how to behave right now. According to Victor Frankl, a Nazi war camp survivor highlighted in the Signature course The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, the greatest human freedom is the ability to choose our reaction in the face of any circumstances. Imagine that instead of Susan B. Anthony saying, “Suffrage is the pivotal right,” and working her entire life to obtain voting rights for women in the United States, she had simply invested her time in complaining to the women in her knitting circle! Executive Mamas focus on what they can do, not on what they cannot.

Blame or finger-pointing and lack of personal responsibility

Keep the gloomy game going.

They keep stealing your hidden genius and potential wealth-

Giving them to a dimwit on the sidelines with

No leadership, heart, or financial skills.

Dear one,

Wise Up.

- Hafiz, fourteenth-century Sufi poet

Author: Jennifer Colosimo, Vice President of Sales and Delivery Effectiveness at FranklinCovey

 That’s what this blog category is about:  Being an Executive Mama. Choosing to be an executive mama.

 Women have more choices as to how to mix career and family than any previous generation.  And yet, some don’t aspire to leadership roles, particularly executive roles, because of the perception that the only acceptable executive style is paternalistic command and control.  Others want executive status and a rich family life, possibly including children, but don’t see a path to doing both AND living to tell about it.  This blog will encourage realistic optimists to make conscious choices about their leadership style, strive for executive influence in influential organizations including business and government, and to provide a map as to the decisions to be made in order to earn the right to be called both “executive” and “mama” in the same lifetime.

 Next week:  No whining.

 Author: Jennifer Colosimo, Vice President of Sales and Delivery Effectiveness at FranklinCovey