FranklinCovey Blog

Strengthening Families in Turbulent Times

Friday, July 31st, 2009 | From the Desk of Stephen R. Covey | 2 Comments

This Spring I made a presentation on strengthening families in times of crisis. Gathered in the room were people who had recently lost their jobs and now find themselves looking for new work in a very tough environment. This gathering, of course, was a snapshot of millions of people all over the U.S. and in many parts of the world.

We know that being out of work can have a troubling impact on families. The stress, worry and pressure often impact a person’s ability to be the spouse or parent they want to be. Communication might break down. Quarrels might increase. Family members might feel neglected, scared or withdrawn.

In these kinds of situations, I have always counseled people to focus on those who are the most important in their lives and what matters most. Yes, being out of a job might have you in a crisis, but isn’t your family your most precious possession? So what can we do to strengthen our families in good times or in times of trouble?

  •  Write a family mission statement-identify what kind of family you want to be, what qualities define your family, what kinds of feeling do you want in your home, how do you want to build relationships? Check out the FranklinCovey Family Mission Statement Builder to help you create yours.
  • Hold weekly family meetings-gather your family once a week to talk about issues, problems or good things in your family. Refer to your mission statement to see how you are doing.
  • Remember the emotional bank account-similar to a bank account, you can make deposits or withdrawals from each of your family relationships. Make a conscious effort to make meaningful deposits in your relationships. When you make a withdrawal, apologize and correct the mistake.

I am confident as you do these things, you will find your relationships strengthened in your family. You will take control of your life and your family’s life rather than being tossed away by the storms of problems or crises that come your way. Will you try it? See what results you get. What else have you found that helps strengthen your family? I would love to hear from you.

For more ideas on strengthening families you may interested in reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families

I will be talking more about securing your job and becoming indispensible at work in my professional development webinar series, starting next week. Click here to learn more.

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2 Comments to Strengthening Families in Turbulent Times

Clairese
July 31, 2009

Mr. Covey,

I requested your contact on Facebook and I appreciate your willingness to reach out to others thru this network.

In 1991, our family faced it’s most stressful challenge. On top of the world in Anchorage Alaska, my husband was permanently disabled in a car accident by a motorist that ran a red light and was without insurance. Unable to work for 6 months was a huge strain for our family as he tried to go back to work and could not. We lost our 5 bedroom home, our vehicles, our credit, but not each other! Almost lost my husband as he was very angry and suicidal and even threatened us one Sunday, but our son called the police and my huband was Baker Acted for the weekend. He chose to go inpatient for two weeks and we all huddled to grow stronger and learn more about each other and the right ways to cope. We have been doing family meetings since 1985 and cannot say enough positive things about the process.
In 1993, we sold all we had and drove an old motorhome to Florida to be with my parents. No job, home, no car – no benefits, no income except my unemployment. Our family learned to be resilient. We learned how strong we were and what we could do, singularly and as a family.
As our sons are all adults now, and life has not been easy for any of us, always a challenge and a lot of hard work, I am surprised at how poorly my sons treat each other and sometimes treat me. They are all still resilient and on their way thru life with families of their own now…but I seem to be feeling hurt a lot lately in watching how they treat each other as they experience tough times. They don’t help each other, even though they can. They are not as close as I thought they would be considering. Often I believe perhaps they are pulling away from us and each other to prove to themselves they can stand on their own, as if that is a badge they need to wear.
I read and see families in strife as a result of these harsher times and I see that there seems to be fewer coping skills and few role models. I never stop trying and being there for my sons, even when they argue as adults. There don’t seem to be many parenting books for parents of adults…I still make mistakes in NOT knowing what to say and do.
So please keep up the grand work of sharing all that you know and learn with us.
Blessings, Clairese in Florida

AchieveAlign — Setting Intention
July 31, 2009

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