As a husband, father, grandfather and most recently a great-grandfather, I am thrilled with my growing family. They are my greatest blessing and my greatest joy.

Even still I’ve wondered over the years what mistakes I have made as a father. Of course, there are mistakes along the way. Looking back I think one of the things I would have done differently as a parent is spending more time developing informal win-win agreements with each of my children. Doing this consistently and over time, covering the different phases of their lives would have been beneficial.

Because I traveled a lot, I felt that I often indulged them and went for lose-win too often. Instead I would have liked to pay the price to take the time to build relationships through win-win agreements.

You may ask, what is a win-win agreement? Start by thinking about your own relationships with your children. What can you do to create more win-win? You may want to try creating win-win agreements with them to involve them more in decision-making, problem-solving and being accountable. Find a problem or issue you want to work on. Talk openly to your child about their needs or desires (their win). Explain what is a win for you. Then come up with ideas for meeting your child’s needs in a way that will also meet your needs. Set up specific expectations, to-dos and outcomes. I would recommend putting this down on paper and having you both sign it so you can always go back to it in case of questions. This also creates accountability. Will you try this with your children?

I am certain the more you create win-win with your children, the more trust you will build with them—and you’ll model for them one of the most important skills they need to thrive in their relationships not only in the family but in all their relationships, now and in the future.

How will you start to create a win-win with your child today?

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Author: Stephen R. Covey