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The Principle of Abundance
Habit 4: Think Win-Win isn’t just about being nice. It’s a character-based code for human interaction and collaboration.
Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparison and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing—if I win, they lose; or if they win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. We start to believe there’s only so much to go around, and if they get a big piece, there’s less for me; it’s not fair, and I’m going to do everything I can to get my share.
These paradigms of scarcity are worth shifting. Win-win is about constantly seeking mutual benefit in all human interactions—about finding solutions that are truly beneficial and satisfying for everyone involved. To go for win-win, we not only have to be empathic, but we also have to be confident. We not only have to be considerate and sensitive, we also have to be brave.
That balance between courage and consideration is the essence of real maturity and is fundamental to a win-win approach to life.
Why Think Win-Win?
Win-win requires that we be both high in courage and high in consideration, that we approach others with generosity and a sense of partnership. When we do that—when we demonstrate our investment in their interests and successfully advocate for our own needs—we build stronger, more trusting relationships.
“In the long run, if it isn’t a win for both of us, we both lose. That’s why win-win is the only real alternative in interdependent realities.”
Assume responsibility and focus on the things that can be influenced rather than what can’t.
Define clear measures for success and create a plan to achieve them—in the next few hours, over the next few months, or across a lifetime.
Approach each situation looking for ways everyone can win.
Listen, understand, and honor others’ perspectives, and have the courage to express thoughts and feelings respectfully.
Leverage different perspectives to solve problems, innovate, and achieve more than any one individual alone.
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