FranklinCovey Blog

Saying “No” Effectively

Friday, March 5th, 2010 | Executive Mama | 4 Comments

Sometimes a request may come your way, but it doesn’t align with highest priorities.  At work, it is a cubicle drive-by, an IM, or an e-mail:

“Lisa, could your team . . .”

And you think, “We could, but it doesn’t align with what is important to the organization right now or my team’s critical path.”  Don’t say that, not unless you think you can get results without relationships (you can’t, not long-term anyway) OR as a last result.

At home, it is a phone call at 7:00 p.m.:  “Hi Teresa, the Girl Scout cookie mom can’t do it again this year.  Can I put you down for it?”

And your mind races:  “But I already volunteered to chaperone the camping trip, and help with the school carnival, not to mention my work on the Food Bank fundraiser . . .but wouldn’t a good mother, a mother who didn’t work, wouldn’t she say yes?” 

Let me be clear, Executive Mamas don’t say “yes” to everything.  They sometimes say “no”—EFFECTIVELY, in a way that builds relationships and reputation, not in a way that destroys them.

Here’s some suggestions:

To a boss: 

“I’d be happy to.  I am currently working on x, y, and z.  Could we re-visit the timing on those so I could complete this project?” 

“Of course.  This looks like about 3 days worth of work.  Should I table x, y, and z and work on this for the next three days?  Or is b an acceptable completion date?”

“Could you tell me a little bit more so I could see how this fits in with my other commitments?”

To a colleague:

                “I’m not sure.  Let’s talk about deadlines, scope, final product so I can tell you if I could help.”

                “I can’t do it by x.  Is y soon enough?”

                “I have to tell you—I don’t know that I can.  Maybe I can offer up some thoughts as to how you might accomplish that without me?”

 To a child who wants to add another after school activity to their already packed schedule:

                “No, no, a thousand times no!  Don’t you see that this overlaps with basketball practice?  How can you expect to add another drop off/pick up to your already Presidential schedule?”  (OK, that one was a bit autobiographical and not very effective.  But I strongly believe you should tell them the truth.  I know a woman who refuses to accept that little Sally might miss one activity, one party, one experience.  Sally is a horrible child because she believes the entire world revolves around her desires. )

 Executive Mamas say no.  With grace.

Author: Jennifer Colosimo, Chief Learning Officer at FranklinCovey

Follow Jennifer on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/jencolosimo

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4 Comments to Saying “No” Effectively

Steve
March 16, 2010

Great post! What I find, however, when I talk to people about this subject, is that they already know that they should say no and they know how to say it: the difficulty is that they’re afraid of the consequences of saying no. It’s the fear of how they’ll be perceived by those around them, particularly at work, that seems to be the biggest stumbling block…

Nhung Hurst
March 17, 2010

Since becoming a Covey facilitator, I have found it immensely easier to say no because once I wrote my mission statement, I had greater clarity about what mattered. Stephen Covey says in the one of the 7 habits videos, “You can’t say no unless you have a bigger yes burning inside.” I love that quote. I made a list of everything I volunteered for at work, home, and church and selected two out of the six roles I was serving. There was initial sadness and anxiety about how I would be perceived, and then I stopped caring since other’s people’s thoughts and feelings are outside my circle of influence.

Jacelle
March 18, 2010

Jennifer
Thanks for the post, this is just what I needed today..

Jennifer Colosimo
March 18, 2010

Thanks to Steve, Nhung, and Jacelle for your comments. I agree with Steve–sometimes fear holds us back. And sometimes it SHOULD. It is difficult to build a network by always saying no.

And sometimes “no” is the only way you’ll get the things perceived as valuable by your organization done. I once worked with a woman who was “busy, busy, busy” but when she was laid off, no one could recall anything major she had accomplished. Which was why she was laid off. :-)

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